Introduction
As long as there are relationships there will be conflict. Conflict is
inevitable because no two personalities are alike. No matter how much people
care for one another, conflicts arise because everyone has different needs.
This paper will explore why conflict occurs, the role of personality types in
conflict management, the positive and negative effects of conflict,
communication techniques, and facework theory in regard to conflict management.
The Nature of Conflict
Interpersonal conflict can be thought of as a
disagreement between people holding different views about an issue or having
different behavioral styles that affect their ability to interact harmoniously.
When two or more people have incompatible ideas or goals, they clash. This
results in each person’s efforts to achieve their goals being frustrated, which
creates a communication barrier. Everyone has goals; some goals are as simple
as wanting a peaceful, relaxing evening, while others are complex, such as
increasing the monthly revenue of a diverse sales department. When someone else
has an idea contrary to the goal, or is at odds with how to achieve the same
goal, the resulting interpersonal conflict disrupts the relationship between
the involved parties.
Conflicts
can occur between people even if they only perceive there is a problem. Cahn
observes, “Whether or not people’s perceptions of the conflict situation are
accurate, until they are able to confirm
or change those perceptions, they act as though their perceptions are real”
(Cahn, 2007, p. 5). Perceptions mean everything in conflict because they
determine how successful the conflict resolution process will be. This is
especially true in marital relationships.
Personality
Types
Perceptions about others and the
world are frequently based on personality types, which affect how we see
conflict and attempt to resolve it. Dijkstra (2005) argues that “individuals
high in agreeableness, extraversion and emotional stability interpret conflict
situations differently from individuals that can be characterized as
disagreeable, introvert and neurotic.” In addition to the level of
agreeableness in individuals, nine Enneagram personality types clarify how
people respond to conflict. These types are; the Reformer, the Helper, the
Achiever, the Individualist, the Investigator, the Loyalist, the Enthusiast,
the Challenger, and the Peacemaker (The Enneagram
Institute. (n.d.). Each type handles conflict differently. Each
personality has strengths and weaknesses that can either facilitate or impede
the conflict resolution process. The following list summarizes how each type
tends to handle conflict:
Reformers, achievers, and
challengers address conflict when it arises. Reformers do so for ethical
reasons and because of their sense of mission. Achievers do not put things off because
they want to reach their goals. Challengers address conflict right away because they are self-confident and self-interested.
Helpers, peacemakers, and
individualists would rather avoid conflict. Helpers avoid conflict because they
do not want to risk hurting someone’s feelings. Peacemakers want harmony
between everyone. Individualists would rather avoid conflict than put
themselves on the line.
Investigators, enthusiasts, and
loyalists are willing to engage in conflict resolution because they tend to be
optimistic and they enjoy solving problems. They find it rewarding to make a
difference in relationships and find innovative ways to resolve differences.
Interpersonal relationships at home
and in the workplace can be improved greatly just by being aware of personality
types and how they interact with others. Lynaugh (2006) posits;
As we look deeper at relationship awareness theory, it provides personal insight into what motivates us to behave and act the way we do, both when things are going well and when we are managing conflict. Each of the types mentioned above relate to conflict in different ways, and knowledge of how to handle disagreements and confrontations is key to maintaining a healthy workplace environment.
As stated in the
forgoing, just knowing how various personalities deal with conflict can be a
key in resolving problems when they come up instead of letting them build.
Positive and
Negative Effects of Conflict
Conflict
is often viewed as negative because there is a potential for “loss of face,”
which will be addressed later. People think of conflict as two opposing forces
which struggle against one another until one person arises victorious and the
other goes down to defeat. However, conflict can bring positive outcomes if all
parties desire to work toward a resolution that results in a win-win outcome,
where everyone has at least a portion of their needs met. When conflict occurs
within a group of people, it can become a time of creative brainstorming.
Brookins (2012) suggests that “Conflict can also cause members to actively
listen to each other as they work to accomplish the organizations’ goals.” When
people have the same end-goal in view, they can work through their differences
in how to achieve it.
The
negative aspects of conflict occur when people avoid or ignore it for so long
without addressing the issues, that problems mount, resentments and
frustrations increase, and the situation ends up exploding into an ugly scene.
Conflict gets a “bad rap” because too many people handle it badly. They do not
have the skills to engage in constructive conflict management. Knowing how to
constructively resolve problems in interpersonal relationships takes desire,
effort, and self-discipline. One person can use good communication techniques
and bring positive change, but conflict resolution is most successful when all
individuals concerned are willing to work through their differences.
Communication
Techniques
Conflict resolution can be achieved
through the use of one or more techniques; some of which are more effective
than others. Three communication options
are other-centered, self-centered, and relationship-centered. Other-centered
communication focuses on the other person and neglects self, resulting in a
win-lose outcome. Self-centered communication focuses on meeting the needs of
self and disregarding the needs of the other party, resulting in a win-lose
outcome. Relationship-centered communication is preferable because it takes
into account the needs of all parties involved, which results in win-win
outcomes.
The positive aspect of relationship-centered
communication is that it allows for collaboration and the use of the S-TLC
system. S-TLC advises a person in conflict to first Stop. Evaluate the situation and get emotions under control. Next, think and then listen to the other
person before speaking. Finally, choose to communicate in a calm and mature
manner with the goal in mind of finding a win-win solution.
Facework
Being able to save face, or in other
words to maintain one’s self-image, is dependent on a process called facework.
When people work together to address the issues, conflicts are more likely to
be resolved and relationships can be preserved. Oetzel (2000) posits, “Facework
has important implications for the quality of relationships. From the
face-negotiation theory perspective, the quality to which face is managed
during conflict will impact the quality of the relationship.” Facework takes
effort, but it allows a person to preserve one’s own face or self-respect and
preserves the face of the other party. In order to accomplish this, a repair
sequence must be initiated. This involves asking the offending party for an
explanation of their behavior, which may be “an excuse or justification, a
concession, or an apology” (Cahn, 2007, p. 170), and finally an assessment of
what happened. Only then can the real issues be addressed and the processes of
reconciliation begin.
Conclusion
We
have been able to determine the nature of conflict; its causes and
inevitability, and explored how personality plays an important role in conflict
management. Because conflicts in relationships will always exist since no two
people are alike, they can best be managed if the involved parties have a
positive view of conflict, realizing that it can be a catalyst for positive
change. A wound can only be healed if the infection is cleaned and dressed.
Likewise, conflict resolution and restoration of relationships can only occur
when people are willing to earnestly address the issues with a win-win outcome
in mind.
References
Askari, M., Noah, S., Hassan, S., & Baba, M.. (2012). Comparison the Effects of Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills Training on Marital Satisfaction. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 4(1), 182-195. Retrieved June 25, 2012, from Research Library. (Document ID: 2653991041).Brookins, M. (2012). The Effects of Conflict Within an Organization. Hearst Communications. Retrieved from http://smallbusiness.chron.com/effects-conflict-within-organization-164.html
Cahn, D.D., & Abigail, R.A. (2007). Managing conflict through communication (4th ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson Education, Inc.
Dijkstra, M., Van Dierendonck, D., Evers, A., & De Dreu, C. (2005). Conflict and well-being at work: the moderating role of personality. Journal of Managerial Psychology, 20(1/2), 87-104. Retrieved June 25, 2012, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 813985351).
Lynagh, W., (2006). What's Your Type and Why Does It Matter? Physician Executive, 32(1), 24-
27. Retrieved June 25, 2012, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 969297631).
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